How to Become Famous: The Ultimate Guide

Table of Contents

• Introduction
• The Easiest Way: Acting
• Playing with Balls: The Sports Option
• The Totally Ridiculous Route
• But I'm Not Talented or Intelligent!
• Becoming a Better Person: Charity Work
• Keeping the Spotlight on You
• What's Your Next Transformation?
• Selling as a Celebrity
• FAQ
• Conclusion

Introduction

Do you want to become famous? If you answered yes, then congratulations! You're the next contestant in the world's biggest game show. In this game show, hosted on Earth, all humans compete to see who can become the biggest celebrity. For thousands of years, this was a game reserved only for those who accomplished great things, but thanks to the invention of the screen, now anyone can become famous.

The Easiest Way: Acting

One of the easiest ways to become a celebrity is to become an actor. You don't have to be a complex celebrity to become famous. The easiest way is to make sounds in various pitches with your mouth. Simply write down any combination of words and say them in different pitches. Suddenly, everyone will worship you. Even if you're not good at making pitches, you can still become famous by pretending to be someone else on screen. This option is recommended for boring people since others will mistake you for the interesting person you pretend to be.

Playing with Balls: The Sports Option

If you're good at playing sports, you can also become a celebrity. Apparently, there was a glitch in the human creation process, and all it takes is playing well with a ball for humans to worship you. This option is recommended for the simple-minded humans who enjoy sports.

The Totally Ridiculous Route

If you're willing to take risks, you can become a celebrity by being totally ridiculous. This option may sound easy, but there is a fine line between becoming a totally ridiculous celebrity and becoming a hobo. However, if you manage to walk that line, the rewards can be great. Just look at celebrities like Donald Trump, who took this option and became the president. It's the highest risk, but also the highest reward type of celebrity.

But I'm Not Talented or Intelligent!

If you're not very talented or intelligent, don't worry. You're not alone. In fact, 98.7% of celebrities are unintelligent. When you're a celebrity, you'll no longer be interacting with regular humans, so no one will see what you're really like. It doesn't matter who you are, just how people think you are. Use social media to paint a picture of how you want the world to see you.

Becoming a Better Person: Charity Work

Celebrities often make themselves look like better people by donating to charities. Not only does this instantly improve your image and publicity without any effort, but it's also a great tax deduction. Just make sure to keep it a secret. If you're having trouble finding a hip and trendy cause to donate to, just donate to a cause that affects you or a family member. In a way, you're just helping yourself.

Keeping the Spotlight on You

Once you become a celebrity, the game has only just begun. You're now in competition with other celebrities to keep the spotlight on you. If you're having trouble standing out from other celebrities, try plastic surgery or form a relationship with a more popular celebrity to steal the spotlight. If your popularity still isn't rising, it's time to repackage yourself as something new. Classic examples include changing your appearance or even your gender.

What's Your Next Transformation?

When your fame starts to die, what will you transform yourself into to bring yourself back to life? Maybe you'll be the first celebrity to become a new species. After all, sloths are totally in these days. The possibilities are endless.

Selling as a Celebrity

One of the great methods celebrities use to sell themselves is through talk shows. It's as easy as 1, 2, 3. Make up a crazy story about yourself that would be sure to get you trending. Give the host a list of questions to ask you that will lead you to talk about your story as if it wasn't planned. And when you've got everyone's attention, just plug your product. It's a simple and effective way to sell as a celebrity.

FAQ

• Q: How can I become famous?

  A: There are several ways to become famous, such as through acting, sports, or being totally ridiculous.

• Q: Do I need to be talented or intelligent to become famous?

  A: No, talent and intelligence are not necessary to become famous. In fact, most celebrities are unintelligent.

• Q: How can I keep the spotlight on me as a celebrity?

  A: You can try plastic surgery, form relationships with more popular celebrities, or even repackage yourself as something new.

• Q: What can I do to sell myself as a celebrity?

  A: Talk shows are a great method for selling yourself as a celebrity. Make up a crazy story about yourself, give the host questions to ask you, and plug your product.

Conclusion

Becoming famous is a lot like being a dildo. It doesn't matter if you're plastic, fake, or a dick. Your job as a celebrity is to replace real human interaction by artificially plugging a gaping hole deep inside lonely people. And if celebrities are more like dildos, then why not embrace it? Follow the program and who knows, you might just be the human to finally dethrone the most famous celebrity of all time. In the end, being famous is all about auditioning for the biggest part in the movie of Earth.

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily the views of the author.